Just another trick of the mind... I hope.

I've been feeling sad, lately. Melancholic. Missing those good times in the past.

Last Sunday, after my Financial Management test and doing a presentation on the ETP (not to mention sitting in on others' presentations), I was mentally exhausted, and fell asleep, after my Zohor prayers.

I dreamt that I was in my home town, in Muar, but I was desperate to go home to my family in Shah Alam. But, I had so much trouble finding a bus ticket, that, I woke up, a good two hours later (though, it seems much shorter than that, as dreams usually goes), feeling lost and lonely. It doesn't help also, to go out of my room to find the living room empty. It was filled with my children either watching TV or playing computer games at the time I retired.

This is not a good sign.

I am not one to believe in signs from dreams. But, it bothers me when my dreams do not seem to have any connections with the things I was thinking about within 24 hours of the time I fell asleep. I mean, if I dreamed of floods or rain or going to school, or one of those "I forgot there's an exam today" dreams, I'll brush it off. They're just my mind making up stories of the things happening around me.

It's not a good sign because, the last time I had these melancholic dreams.... Someone passes away.....

And, I often wonder, if this time it's my turn. Not that I'm afraid to die... but, I pray that God would give me time at least to see all my children are ok (as per my past blog- http://sbjaafar.blogspot.com/2010/08/only-until-everybodys-ok.html)

I hope it was just a dream....

Comments

A letter from my mother

Today, on the first day of Ramadhan in the 52nd year of my life, while I was rummaging through some old stuff, I came across a letter written to me by my mother, folded and enveloped into a prescription drug package. My mother taught herself to write in Rumi, so some words are quite difficult to figure out. She was probably more comfortable writing in Jawi, but she knew her son is useless at reading it. The letter was not dated, but I would say it was written circa 1985, the year that I dropped out of UTM. The letter was an angry letter, as angry as my dearest mother would be. I cannot remember the occasion that warranted such letter, but I think I must have said something that hurt her. She wrote that I should have told her or father (unlikely) or my brothers and sisters that I am having difficulties in my studies. She wrote that I have ostracized myself from my family, and she understood that I did this because I do not want to be any more a burden to my parents and my sibli...

A Marriage

I’ve always shunned the company of humans Yet, there’s a basic need for procreation So I looked and believe I’ve found a woman Just perfect to bear my next generation A decade have passed and seven years From us have sprung a brood of four Many a happy times and many a tears At times I think we should’ve had more Then, there were times when my eyes wander Lusting after distractions, in one form or another To temptations of the flesh I wish to surrender To turn a deaf ear to my conscience’s whispers But, to hurt these people, I don’t fancy I can never hurt my children and wife Thus, my amoral deeds remain a fantasy Maybe I can indulge on it in my after life I love my family don’t get me wrong O, how they’ve grown, my little ones And, I pray this marriage will last my life long But, I swear I’ll not attempt marriage more than once...

An Ironic Epiphany

During a cigarette break, a colleague and I starred out at the city skyline. "What if somebody gave you five million. What would you do with it?" suddenly he asked. I looked at him but he continued to gaze at the jagged horizon. "I don't know. Maybe I'll buy some properties, rent them out....." I said. "That's it, isn't it... " he suddenly turned to me, excited. "That's what I told this stupid friend of mine, just take the money and buy real-estate and earn passive income.... What a jerk.." he trailed off. "Your friend has five million?" I asked. "No..... but, his girlfriend was willing to give it to him, and he refused..." "Why? What's wrong with the guy?" "He's married... happily married.. but this girl at his workplace, the daughter of the bloody filthy rich boss, is crazy for him. She's willing to be his 2nd wife... But, this idiot friend of mine, he refused. I...

Life's Remains....

Search This Blog