Just another trick of the mind... I hope.

I've been feeling sad, lately. Melancholic. Missing those good times in the past.

Last Sunday, after my Financial Management test and doing a presentation on the ETP (not to mention sitting in on others' presentations), I was mentally exhausted, and fell asleep, after my Zohor prayers.

I dreamt that I was in my home town, in Muar, but I was desperate to go home to my family in Shah Alam. But, I had so much trouble finding a bus ticket, that, I woke up, a good two hours later (though, it seems much shorter than that, as dreams usually goes), feeling lost and lonely. It doesn't help also, to go out of my room to find the living room empty. It was filled with my children either watching TV or playing computer games at the time I retired.

This is not a good sign.

I am not one to believe in signs from dreams. But, it bothers me when my dreams do not seem to have any connections with the things I was thinking about within 24 hours of the time I fell asleep. I mean, if I dreamed of floods or rain or going to school, or one of those "I forgot there's an exam today" dreams, I'll brush it off. They're just my mind making up stories of the things happening around me.

It's not a good sign because, the last time I had these melancholic dreams.... Someone passes away.....

And, I often wonder, if this time it's my turn. Not that I'm afraid to die... but, I pray that God would give me time at least to see all my children are ok (as per my past blog- http://sbjaafar.blogspot.com/2010/08/only-until-everybodys-ok.html)

I hope it was just a dream....

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7 Days to Live

This coming Friday, on December 21, 2012, the planet Nibiru, last seen only by the ancient Sumerians a few thousand years ago, will come around and pass so near our earth that it will shift the poles and cause a cataclysm, wiping all living things on our planet. According to Nancy Lieder, this phenomenon was first predicted to happen in 2003, but when nothing happened then, she postponed it to 2012. Ms Lieder claimed that she was abducted by aliens when she was young and later released so that she can warn all of us of the impending end of the world. Something is going to happen on December 21, some people insists, because that is the last day on the Mayan Calendar. The Mayan Calendar it seems is as accurate as the atomic clock, marking exactly the celestial events for the last 5,000 years. Some say that a meteor will fall to earth and we will then go the way of the dinosaurs. Or.... a huge solar flare occurs, engulfing and annihilating all planets in its path, earth...

Another phase in life.... hers and mine...

I have been in a melancholy mood. I have been unmotivated, wishing that I don't have to go to work. Although, I try to be the type of parent that is practical and always encouraged my children to be independent and self-sufficient, I guess I've always wanted to be there for them. Now, there is this realization that my eldest daughter, doesn't need me anymore. Sending her to college last Sunday, it suddenly occurred to me that she will, from now on, be spending more time away from us. This is what has put me in a pensive mood. And, in a couple of years, my eldest son will leave us and then my other daughter, then finally, my youngest son. I look back at the last 17 years of raising her, I wish I had been a better parent. I wish I was had shown more patience and compassion rather than anger and edginess. I wish I had shown more composure than agitation. Maybe, that is why I find it hard to let go. I have this feeling that I haven't done enough, that I must hang on ...

Pak Mat Beca

I started school in 1971. I went to Sekolah Ismail (Dua), as far as I am concerned the only primary school in the whole universe and every kid must go there or the government will put their parents away forever. The "Dua" or Two (2), does not mean there were two Sekolah Ismails. There was only one, except that there were two sessions, morning and afternoon. When I started in standard one, I was in the morning session. Apparently, somehow, the two Ismails alternate, and I really can't recall ever having to go to school in the afternoon. Every morning, my cousin, the late Hashimah Hashim (Allah bless her soul), and I would wait for Pak Mat to pick us up in his beca, his trishaw. And, until I changed school in 1976 (that's another story to tell), Pak Mat and his beca would take me to school every school day. I know of no other way to go to school and I did not really appreciate the distance that Pak Mat had to cycle to pick us up and send us to our respective s...

Life's Remains....

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