Thursday, January 13, 2011

May He Find That Which He Seeks....

I once met an old friend. We haven't talked to each other for so long, we found that we no longer have anything in common. We keep lapsing into moments of silence in between topics on the weather, and the high cost of living and politics.

Then, after a long silence, and looking into spaces behind each other, he asked (still looking into nothing) if I believe in God. I said, of course, (duh!).... Do you? I asked, just to carry on the conversation. He, did not answer right away..... 

After, a long pause, so long that I thought he did not hear my reciprocating question. I almost repeated the question, when he blurted out, "I'm not sure".

Before, I continue my recollection, I must clarify that my friend is a Malay man.

He said, that he thinks there is a God, but, he just do not think that there is a heaven or hell. He said, if he's been good all his life, if he is not adulterous, and if he is poor on this earth, why would he want to die and go to heaven and be allowed to be adulterous and "live" in luxury? If he dies, then his flesh will have rotted away, and therefore he will not have the requirements to eat or sleep or procreate or drink wine, all that we do to exist on this earth.

Nor, does he think it's fair that he should be eternally punished for his folly for a limited time in this life.

He is a man of science.. but, he probably have a better knowledge of Islam than me, having studied in "sekolah pondok" in Kelantan.

He talked and talked, and I listened and I thought (but never declared it out loud) that, his arguments made sense....

And when the Azan was heard for our Maghrib prayers, he beckoned me to go to a nearby mosque to pray.

I'm confused. And, it must have shown in my face, because on the way to the mosque, my friend said that, he may not believe in Heaven and Hell, but, he will not take the chance of incurring God's anger. He said, he does not care for Heaven. But, he craves for God's "redha".

He never misses a prayer, because he's afraid of God, yet, he does not believe in everything Islam has taught him.

I find this weird but fascinating....  so much so, he inspired my poem entitled "Ar-Rahman" (see:

He passed away, last week....


Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Dirty Bit

I wish I don't have to eat, or go to the toilet or even have sex.

These activities take a lot of time and energy. And, it causes a lot of anxieties. What to eat? Where to eat? Did I eat too much? And, in the middle of doing something, you get the urge to go to the toilet. It doesn't matter if it's big or small... you need to finish this thing you are doing and your body is telling you, "I NEED TO GO!!!!" The same with sex. When you want it, she doesn't, and when she wants it you don't... and, sometime when we end up doing it, you get a feeling she was just obliging you...

These are very basic functions. Which probably what inspired Darwin to come up with his Theory of Evolution. We, having been bestowed self awareness, have turned the simple satisfaction of theses basic needs into obscene pleasures.

It is not enough to just eat, we need to embellish our food, we need our food not only to taste good, but it must look good too. In the end we have to go to the toilet anyway. And the outcome of that looks pretty much the same (maybe of different forms, sometime more solid, sometime more liquid).

I'll not elaborate on sexual embellishments, but the act which original purpose is to ascertain the survival of the species, is only taken for the value of satisfying the urge to mate... not the requirement to have offspring.

I feel so dirty sometimes....