Thursday, June 17, 2010

Looking for Sympathy

It's one of life's ironies, I suppose. We keep declaring to people that we are not looking or sympathies. Because, we.. rather... I am a proud person and sympathies makes me look pathetic.

Yet, I cannot help but feel a little frustrated when I tell my friends and family, that I am not well, and they just seem to say in their expressions, "Ok... is that all... "

I, in my attempt not to worry my family, tried to keep the condition of my failing kidneys a secret. But, somehow, somebody heard that, of late, I have been visiting the Sime Darby Medical Center regularly.

So, I told them about my non-functioning left kidney and impaired right kidneys. I was expecting a "ooo... kesiannya..." or something like that..but instead was informed that my elder brother's kidneys have shrunk a long time ago, that he's supposed to be on dialysis already, but he refused.

Well, I am concerned of course about my condition, and it is in the back in my mind all the time that, I am very conscious of what I eat these days. Even, my essential morning teh tarik I can't finish... Half a glass and I thought I felt a little tingle in my back...

I told my children and my son said he'll give me one of his kidneys if I buy him the latest game console, and my daughter said she'll give hers if I buy her a smart phone... All in jest.. and I laughed, too.

But, sometimes, I wish somebody would say, "I am sorry to hear that. I pray to Allah, for your health."

Yes... as much as i hate to admit it.. I am looking for sympathies.

I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired... I know right now you don't care... - Matchbox 20: Unwell

Friday, June 11, 2010

Negativity Rules

Sitting with a bunch of friends the other day, the conversation inevitably steered itself into politics.

They were all unhappy about something that the government do or didn't do.

We were, of course, living in Selangor, a PKR ruled state since 2008. But the people were merciless in their critique. They no longer discern between the ruling party and the opposition. Everybody is wrong. The prime minister is wrong, the chief minister is wrong, Anwar is wrong, Mahathir is wrong, Abdullah is wrong.....

It is just human nature, I suppose, to like negative things. It's more interesting to hear the wrong doings of others, rather than all the good things that we are enjoying. Maybe it is like belacan or cencaluk or budu or even soy sauce. All these things, seeing how they are made or what they are made of, should be repulsive to the palate. Yet, we inhale its stench as it makes our mouth water. A few more degrees of the same smell, it could have come from a pair of sweaty socks, or even faeces.

I will try to stay away from these negativities. I stay away from those tabloids like Harakah or Keadilan or similar blogs or websites like Malaysia Kini..... It has nothing to say about anything except negative things.

I hate how they engenders anger and hatred.

My eyes and ears are not garbage bins....