Skip to main content

Melancholia

There are days when you just can't get started. Today is one of them... and the older I get, these non-starting days are occurring more frequently. I know this day will be an almost zero-productivity day for me, when I woke up this morning and the first thing that crossed my mind is "I'm going to get-off early today..."

True enough, I spent today with minimal sense of achievement and instead of starting on a new project assigned to me by my boss, I wrote this blog.

I do not have anything particular to write about. The news and social media is filled with updates and comments about the assault on Tanduo. Prior to this, the political parties supporters are flinging mud at each other in the build up to the coming general elections which nobody knows when.

I hope nobody will comment to say things like, "count your blessings" or "be thankful". Please don't... today, I want to wallow in this quicksand of depression. Today, I want to whine about ever worsening morning traffic congestion, the same breakfast choices, the repetition of daily work, the slow sweep of the clock's hands, the incessant ringing of telephones.... Today, I want to immerse myself in the meaninglessness of my existence. Today I want to view life, the world and its occupants with contempt.

Today, the customers are wrong, I do not want to hear another point of view, all excuses are lame, it's my way or no way....

How I wish I can be this way everyday....





Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

7 Days to Live

This coming Friday, on December 21, 2012, the planet Nibiru, last seen only by the ancient Sumerians a few thousand years ago, will come around and pass so near our earth that it will shift the poles and cause a cataclysm, wiping all living things on our planet. According to Nancy Lieder, this phenomenon was first predicted to happen in 2003, but when nothing happened then, she postponed it to 2012. Ms Lieder claimed that she was abducted by aliens when she was young and later released so that she can warn all of us of the impending end of the world. Something is going to happen on December 21, some people insists, because that is the last day on the Mayan Calendar. The Mayan Calendar it seems is as accurate as the atomic clock, marking exactly the celestial events for the last 5,000 years. Some say that a meteor will fall to earth and we will then go the way of the dinosaurs. Or.... a huge solar flare occurs, engulfing and annihilating all planets in its path, earth...
2 comments
Read more

Another phase in life.... hers and mine...

I have been in a melancholy mood. I have been unmotivated, wishing that I don't have to go to work. Although, I try to be the type of parent that is practical and always encouraged my children to be independent and self-sufficient, I guess I've always wanted to be there for them. Now, there is this realization that my eldest daughter, doesn't need me anymore.  Sending her to college last Sunday, it suddenly occurred to me that she will, from now on, be spending more time away from us. This is what has put me in a pensive mood. And, in a couple of years, my eldest son will leave us and then my other daughter, then finally, my youngest son. I look back at the last 17 years of raising her, I wish I had been a better parent. I wish I was had shown more patience and compassion rather than anger and edginess. I wish I had shown more composure than agitation. Maybe, that is why I find it hard to let go. I have this feeling that I haven't done enough, that I must hang on ...
2 comments
Read more

Pak Mat Beca

I started school in 1971. I went to Sekolah Ismail (Dua), as far as I am concerned the only primary school in the whole universe and every kid must go there or the government will put their parents away forever. The "Dua" or Two (2), does not mean there were two Sekolah Ismails. There was only one, except that there were two sessions, morning and afternoon. When I started in standard one, I was in the morning session. Apparently, somehow, the two Ismails alternate, and I really can't recall ever having to go to school in the afternoon. Every morning, my cousin, the late Hashimah Hashim (Allah bless her soul), and I would wait for Pak Mat to pick us up in his beca, his trishaw. And, until I changed school in 1976 (that's another story to tell), Pak Mat and his beca would take me to school every school day. I know of no other way to go to school and I did not really appreciate the distance that Pak Mat had to cycle to pick us up and send us to our respective s...
Post a Comment
Read more