Life's Remains....

I wonder what's the story behind every single mother I've met. Because, more often than not, I see what nice persons they are. And, what lovely children they have. I love my wife very much, but there are times during our almost 2 decades of marriage that things went so bad that I wonder if I should just leave..... And, in my anger and naivety, I probably would have, accept for the only thing that make me want to stay, no matter how bad the situation is. I can't abandon my children. But, this is actually self-serving.... I believe that what goes around comes around. I am very afraid that if I abandon them now, they will one day abandon me. Well, Hamlet said, thus conscience does make cowards of us all..... So, to those who abandon these nice ladies and their children.... you are very brave or very stupid. (And , you know what.... some of these women will be angry at me for call their exes stupid).

I've been feeling sad, lately. Melancholic. Missing those good times in the past. Last Sunday, after my Financial Management test and doing a presentation on the ETP (not to mention sitting in on others' presentations), I was mentally exhausted, and fell asleep, after my Zohor prayers. I dreamt that I was in my home town, in Muar, but I was desperate to go home to my family in Shah Alam. But, I had so much trouble finding a bus ticket, that, I woke up, a good two hours later (though, it seems much shorter than that, as dreams usually goes), feeling lost and lonely. It doesn't help also, to go out of my room to find the living room empty. It was filled with my children either watching TV or playing computer games at the time I retired. This is not a good sign. I am not one to believe in signs from dreams. But, it bothers me when my dreams do not seem to have any connections with the things I was thinking about within 24 hours of the time I fell asleep. I mean, if I d...

Everyday, the one thing I look forward to, is a call from my wife. She would call and say "saja". No reason at all. That's nice isn't it? I like it... but I do feel guilty, because I hardly ever call her from work Everyday, I wonder what I did right in my life to deserve such affection. I am not rich, and I am a lazy bum... I can't remember the last time I bought her anything for her birthday. And, when I make her angry.... I am never the one to apologise. Everyday, I wonder if I should say, "I love you" to her....but, my over-inflated ego won't allow it.... Everyday, I wonder why she insists on doing things, like cooking a meal, even after a hectic day at the office, for me and the children. Everyday, I know... I am a lucky guy.

Excuse my french. But, I really hate foreigners talking bad about our country. Just because I can, does not give anybody else license to vilify my Malaysia. This total and absolute jerk, John R. Mallot wrote somewhere giving the picture that we are a country on the verge of a racial unrest. He was here for a few days and probably spoke to some PKR people who whined about the government, and off he goes back to the safety of his country and shout at us from across the oceans. This is the mentality of our people. There is still a believe that the Mat Sallehs can help us. I have worked with Americans, Australians, Germans (the Germans are slightly better), Belgians. They are no better than us. They are humans just like us, but apparently, some people are not only trapped in middle income like the rest of us, but also still mentally colonised by the white people. For that, I must say I admire Hosni Mubarak for defying the US... Although, I wish he would step down and end the chaos. ...