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Ennui

Everything you have done up to today counts for nothing. In one fell swoop, in a moment of rage, or extreme disappointment, words were uttered with intention to hurt, and everything changes. Outlook of your career, the perspective of your remaining life, your expectations... all changed in a moment of emotional outburst. Moving forward, you apologise even when you know the other parties is in error just as you were, but the relationship can never really be the same ever again. There is a strain, and uneasiness, because you are subordinated to the other party. You are expected to apologise. You are expected to come and bow your head in "shame" of what "you did". There is a smouldering rage, the feeling of injustice, will stoke that little amber within your heart, keeping it alight, even when you try to convince yourself that it not your fault, that the other party is the loser, and that you are the bigger person....

I will not succumb to a victim's mentality. I will continue on with my life. I will discharge my duties as I have done so far. I think I have done very well.

One is for sure, I can't stay. There is nothing more for me to do here.




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