Sometimes, after prayers, I would contemplate my life while still sitting upon my prayer mat. And, once in a while, like this morning, I had (another) epiphany.
Thinking about my future, about what I wish I should be doing after I retire, I realized, that while I am dreaming of the future, what I am yearning for is really the past. Because all the things I want to do.... are really the things I used to do, a long long time ago..
I remember those good old days (they are always "good old days" in retrospect), when I would live my life on a whim. Back from school, I would have my lunch, change and then, whenever I feel like it, off I go on my bicycle to see a movie. I love science fiction (saw Star Wars IV 6 times), or I would take in a Kung Fu movie or if I am in a melancholy mood, I go to watch "Sofie's Choice" or "Terms of Endearment" or "Out of Africa" (yes I have a crush on Meryl Streep) and even occasionally, I watch a love story... "Goodbye Girl" (Richard Dreyfuss and Marsha Mason) was the most memorable one for me.
Or, I would just go to the riverside to have a "Rojak Mee" under a shady tree looking nothingness, as the wind from the Malacca Straits rustles the leaves and the Muar river flows lazily, lapping the rocks on its banks.
Or, I would just stay home, sit in front of the Hi Fi set, put on a record on the turntable and let the music blast away, ensuring the neighbors know how cultured I am. I love music, and I enjoy all kinds of music. I listen to Nat King Cole and Frank Sinatra and Nancy Wilson and Dean Martin, I love the blues (B.B.King), I listen to J. Geils Band (the Freeze Frame album), The Eagles, Bee Gees (the spirit having flown album), I love Linda Ronstadt (I have 5 of her records), locally, I am a fan of Jamal Abdillah, Sheila Majid, I bought Fairuz Hussein debut album, I even like Black Dog Bone, Carefree, Freedom and Sweet Charity. I love S.M.Salim and occassionally listen to P.Ramlee songs (especially, the jazzy ones like Putus Sudah Kasih Sayang and Tunggu Sekejap).
The irony of it all, while these things I did when I was still in school and living off my father's pension (Allah bless his soul), this morning, still seated cross-legged on my prayer mat, I am contemplating the wealth I will need to accumulate within the next few years so that I can do all these things again, after my retirement.....
However, at today's prices, I wonder, is retirement an option? (Sigh...) Better get dressed, I am late for work....