Skip to main content

I know

Dearest Allah swt,

I want to thank you (although, somehow with you, the word "thank" seem so minuscule and grossly insufficient) for letting me see through another Ramadhan.

I don't know what you make of this Ramadhan for me, but I actually feel this time was better than the last. But, I now seek you forgiveness because the reason this Ramadhan is better than the last, is because the last one was "crap" (for lack of a better word). During the the last one, I did not read the Quran and missed many tarawikh prayers. This time, praise be upon You, I took time to do some reading, although, I have just finished juzu' 10 (pathetic, I know, Ya Allah.... please accept it). And, this Ramadhan I only missed one night of tarrawikh, but please forgive me my Lord, I had to send my son back to his hostel (bad excuse, I know).

The one (of many things) thing that I have yet to achieve is to do tahajjud, Ya Allah. This is a heavy task for me. For, sleep is one of the great worldly pleasures that you have endowed upon me that I am not strong enough to resist. But, I am toying with the idea of doing it.... I know, Ya Rahman Ya Rahim, that you recognise the intention even before the deed.

Ya Latif, Ya Karim, I thank you for all that you have given me. I do not know what good I have done to deserve all this. Yet, I know that you know that I will always have something to ask from you.I have many times heard the teachers say, that it is ok to ask from you, because you are rightfully The Giver. I know, Ya Allah, that I cannot even lift a finger without your will, and I know that each breath that I take is really at your ultimate pleasure. I know that the next one could very well be my last.

Thus, Ya Allah, I know I sound ungrateful, but, I must ask these things from you:

Ya Allah, please forgive my parents, cleanse them form all of their sins, big and small, and please take care of them as they have doted upon me when I was growing up. Put them together with those you love, your apostles.

Ya Allah, I ask for you to care of my wife and children whom I love very much, yet I am unable to be there for them at all times. Please show them the correct path, the path of those that you have guided, not the path of those who earn your anger nor of those who go astray.

Ya Allah, please forgive my father-in-law and mother-in-law and brothers and sisters, my brothers-in-law and my sisters-in-law, my uncles and aunts, my nephews and nieces, my grandnephews and my grandnieces, and all my fellow muslims and muslimahs, be they are alive or have passed on.

And, please, Ya Allah, please forgive me for all my stupidity, my arrogance, my forgetfulness, my insolence, be it towards you and towards my fellow man.

For Ya Allah, I know, that you are the Affuwun Kareem, and I know you love to forgive..... So please Ya Allah, forgive me...

I wish your blessings upon his Majesty Muhammad (pbuh) and upon his family, and all praise be to you, Lord of the universe.

Amin.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

A letter from my mother

Today, on the first day of Ramadhan in the 52nd year of my life, while I was rummaging through some old stuff, I came across a letter written to me by my mother, folded and enveloped into a prescription drug package. My mother taught herself to write in Rumi, so some words are quite difficult to figure out. She was probably more comfortable writing in Jawi, but she knew her son is useless at reading it. The letter was not dated, but I would say it was written circa 1985, the year that I dropped out of UTM. The letter was an angry letter, as angry as my dearest mother would be. I cannot remember the occasion that warranted such letter, but I think I must have said something that hurt her. She wrote that I should have told her or father (unlikely) or my brothers and sisters that I am having difficulties in my studies. She wrote that I have ostracized myself from my family, and she understood that I did this because I do not want to be any more a burden to my parents and my sibli

Humanity: from the lucid mind of a Covid19 infested person.

 Hello... It's me, again. I don't know how anybody is going to read this, because I have deactivated my Facebook account... my Instagram too. It's interesting to see people's reactions when I told them this. Mostly, it's a sharp intake of breath and a sympathetic "why".  I guess they assumed I was cyberbullied into deactivation. No... It was a mistake. I should never have even registered for any socmed (social media for those uninitiated). I hate it, people sharing their lives, what they eat and drink and where they were eating and drinking, how far they have walked or run or cycled, with whom they are doing things, who they met today or yesterday, where they are now in the world, what their cute babies or cats are doing, what plants they are planting, what fruits they have harvested... I don't really want to know about what you guys are doing with your lives unless I am responsible (partly) for bringing you into this horrible place. For that, my child

I love/hate MCO

The vaccines are here... spelling the beginning of the end of Covid19... or at least we hope so. But, it is really just hope upon hope. Because, as vaccines are being spread (by health workers) in most parts of the world, we still hear of lockdowns happening here and there. And the virus is mutating. New strains are being discovered, having higher infectivity. I guess Covid wants to live just like any other living creature. My employer has announced that beginning this month (April 2021) everybody must come to work in the office. No more working from home. Which is OK. I mean (in case my boss reads this blog) I love my job but dread going through the traffic jams in the morning and then again in the evening. I miss the easy smooth drive to and from work during the MCO when I had to come to the office to sign some physical documents, but even during the CMCO and RMCO, when we are allowed to move around a bit more, the traffic build-up at roadblocks gave me a glimpse of things to come wh