Tuesday, August 6, 2013

I know

Dearest Allah swt,

I want to thank you (although, somehow with you, the word "thank" seem so minuscule and grossly insufficient) for letting me see through another Ramadhan.

I don't know what you make of this Ramadhan for me, but I actually feel this time was better than the last. But, I now seek you forgiveness because the reason this Ramadhan is better than the last, is because the last one was "crap" (for lack of a better word). During the the last one, I did not read the Quran and missed many tarawikh prayers. This time, praise be upon You, I took time to do some reading, although, I have just finished juzu' 10 (pathetic, I know, Ya Allah.... please accept it). And, this Ramadhan I only missed one night of tarrawikh, but please forgive me my Lord, I had to send my son back to his hostel (bad excuse, I know).

The one (of many things) thing that I have yet to achieve is to do tahajjud, Ya Allah. This is a heavy task for me. For, sleep is one of the great worldly pleasures that you have endowed upon me that I am not strong enough to resist. But, I am toying with the idea of doing it.... I know, Ya Rahman Ya Rahim, that you recognise the intention even before the deed.

Ya Latif, Ya Karim, I thank you for all that you have given me. I do not know what good I have done to deserve all this. Yet, I know that you know that I will always have something to ask from you.I have many times heard the teachers say, that it is ok to ask from you, because you are rightfully The Giver. I know, Ya Allah, that I cannot even lift a finger without your will, and I know that each breath that I take is really at your ultimate pleasure. I know that the next one could very well be my last.

Thus, Ya Allah, I know I sound ungrateful, but, I must ask these things from you:

Ya Allah, please forgive my parents, cleanse them form all of their sins, big and small, and please take care of them as they have doted upon me when I was growing up. Put them together with those you love, your apostles.

Ya Allah, I ask for you to care of my wife and children whom I love very much, yet I am unable to be there for them at all times. Please show them the correct path, the path of those that you have guided, not the path of those who earn your anger nor of those who go astray.

Ya Allah, please forgive my father-in-law and mother-in-law and brothers and sisters, my brothers-in-law and my sisters-in-law, my uncles and aunts, my nephews and nieces, my grandnephews and my grandnieces, and all my fellow muslims and muslimahs, be they are alive or have passed on.

And, please, Ya Allah, please forgive me for all my stupidity, my arrogance, my forgetfulness, my insolence, be it towards you and towards my fellow man.

For Ya Allah, I know, that you are the Affuwun Kareem, and I know you love to forgive..... So please Ya Allah, forgive me...

I wish your blessings upon his Majesty Muhammad (pbuh) and upon his family, and all praise be to you, Lord of the universe.

Amin.

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