Life's Remains....

Sometimes, after prayers, I would contemplate my life while still sitting upon my prayer mat. And, once in a while, like this morning, I had (another) epiphany. Thinking about my future, about what I wish I should be doing after I retire, I realized, that while I am dreaming of the future, what I am yearning for is really the past. Because all the things I want to do.... are really the things I used to do, a long long time ago.. I remember those good old days (they are always " good old days" in retrospect), when I would live my life on a whim. Back from school, I would have my lunch, change and then, whenever I feel like it, off I go on my bicycle to see a movie. I love science fiction (saw Star Wars IV 6 times), or I would take in a Kung Fu movie or if I am in a melancholy mood, I go to watch "Sofie's Choice" or "Terms of Endearment" or "Out of Africa" (yes I have a crush on Meryl Streep) and even occasionally, I watch a love story... ...

Dearest Allah swt, I want to thank you (although, somehow with you, the word "thank" seem so minuscule and grossly insufficient) for letting me see through another Ramadhan. I don't know what you make of this Ramadhan for me, but I actually feel this time was better than the last. But, I now seek you forgiveness because the reason this Ramadhan is better than the last, is because the last one was "crap" (for lack of a better word). During the the last one, I did not read the Quran and missed many tarawikh prayers. This time, praise be upon You, I took time to do some reading, although, I have just finished juzu' 10 (pathetic, I know, Ya Allah.... please accept it). And, this Ramadhan I only missed one night of tarrawikh, but please forgive me my Lord, I had to send my son back to his hostel (bad excuse, I know). The one (of many things) thing that I have yet to achieve is to do tahajjud, Ya Allah. This is a heavy task for me. For, sleep is one of the...