Of late I have been feeling tired.
Walking up the stairs, up the incline towards my MIS class, I wished I was at home planning the a day out with my kids. Hanging out at the mall, or go see a movie. Haven't done that for quite sometime. And, soon, they won't want to do that anymore. Soon, and the signs are already showing, it's no longer cool to hang out with your family members.
Going up to the 5th floor in the ancient lift I told my good friend Sukman that I'm running out of steam. No stamina. He just smiled.
The prospect of another semester to go, and to come up with a research paper within the next 9 months or so, brings out a sigh out of me. I'm too old for this.
But, I have committed myself, and I will see this through. But, it's not just the MBA program. It's everything else, too. It's my work, too.
Maybe I'm just going through the low point of my life cycle. It's that point in your life when you started to reflect on your life and compare it to those who've made it and suddenly realize how much you could have achieved. It's a cycle, and tomorrow or next week or next month I'll be happy again with the smallest of achievements and thank God for my pathetic existence.
For now, I am in this pensive mode, where, more often that not, I find myself staring out into space, contemplating the past and having no hope for the future..... because all I see is more of the same of what I am doing today.
Right now, I just want to lay in a hammock, near a beach somewhere, under a shady tree, looking out to sea. That's it. Just idle away while the world revolves around the sun.
Nothing.... I want to do NOTHING!!