New Normal

Change is the only constant in life. 

This time last year I was just a father, and now I am also a father-in-law. And, God willing, by the beginning of next year I will be a grandfather. Things have been changing so fast for me that, sometimes, I feel there things in my life I forgot to attend to. And, sometimes I am frustrated that I am helpless to do anything to make things go the way I want it to be. It frustrates me to feel like a victim. I am not a victim.

When my firstborn told me that she will be posted to Sabah, my heart sank. The furthest she had been away from me was when she decided that she wanted to rent an apartment in Kajang to be near her workplace, the Kajang Hospital. In my head, then, I tried to find a solution so she can stay at home and commute to work, but the work schedule as a houseman, her odd working hours (I never really got a grasp on it, "on-call" and "post-call" and tagging and clerking... ), we agreed that it is better and safer for her to move to Kajang.

Now that her housemanship is complete, as a medical officer, Dr. Nurhayati Syazwani is required to serve her country at the current epicenter of Covid infection. Maybe I am being overly dramatic, but I suppose this is how it feels when a father had to send his child to war. My mind raced to find ways to get her out, but deep in my heart, I know she has to go. We could send in an appeal to the government, but, we can't think of a solid enough reason for an appeal... and the very fact that we had to think of a reason to appeal actually meant we have no grounds for it. And appealing makes us feel like victims. We are not victims.

We moved to our new home in August. Perhaps, it was an emotional decision... but, then I will have to go back another year to blame my emotions for buying a house when, in all practicality, I don't really need one. I can justify it as being another item being struck off my imaginary bucket list, but, logically, it was closer to folly than a necessity. Let's face it, this house costs me half of my life savings, yet, half of it still belongs to Maybank. So now I have to continue to work until I die.... to gain full ownership of my new home. Don't get me wrong, I love this new house of mine. My real regret, actually, is that I should have done this sooner... But, for the last 14 years, I was too comfortable living rent-free in my mother-in-law's house... God bless her.

But, buying the house (and parting with my life savings) has made my mind working again. I am now forced to find an alternative stream of income, for my sustenance beyond my retirement. It has me writing again. Who knows, maybe another book will come out in 2021. Watch for it... I won't be a victim.

My wife and I have also started a garden. She plants all the herbs, and vegetables, while I planted a few fruit trees. When I say "I", I mean I got the guy from the plant nursery to come by and dig the hole and plant the trees in the ground. We have chilli plants (the api and the big type), eggplant plant, tomato, curry leaves, calamansi and kaffir limau (limau purut), pak choi, mint, coriander and kesum leaves. We also have a chekonan mango tree, a rambutan tree and a longan ping-pong tree. The mango tree is already bearing fruit... just one though... hopefully, we'll get a taste. Gardening is so engrossing and therapeutic, I sometimes feel I don't want to do anything else. But, then I have to go to work to buy back the portion of my house that still belongs to Maybank... 

Well, 2020 was one hell of a ride. Businesses folded and jobs were lost, children have not gone to school for a long time, family members are separated for long periods and people are discovering new talents they never thought they have. Work and play, lives and livelihood have taken new shapes and form. Office and home can be one and the same place. 

My grandson will be growing up in this new universe born on the other side of a pandemic, in a world that none of us has any experience with. I really have no right to say to him, "this is how we used to do it..." because how we use to do it isn't relevant anymore.  We will teach him how to speak, walk, run.... but, we will soon become obsolete to these post-pandemic children. It's their world that we are living in.

We don't know how long the virus will still haunt us. Vaccines seem close to being a reality, but, the uncertainty of how effective it will be, what the side-effects will be, or, perhaps, by the time the billion of humans were vaccinated, the virus mutates and we'll have a new Covid21 pandemic.

But, let's hope for the best and prepare for the worst. The best thing that can happen, is that we're still alive, and COVID has not found its way to your lungs. Wear a mask... stay safe. Don't be a victim.