Skip to main content

A letter from my mother


Today, on the first day of Ramadhan in the 52nd year of my life, while I was rummaging through some old stuff, I came across a letter written to me by my mother, folded and enveloped into a prescription drug package.

My mother taught herself to write in Rumi, so some words are quite difficult to figure out. She was probably more comfortable writing in Jawi, but she knew her son is useless at reading it.

The letter was not dated, but I would say it was written circa 1985, the year that I dropped out of UTM. The letter was an angry letter, as angry as my dearest mother would be. I cannot remember the occasion that warranted such letter, but I think I must have said something that hurt her.

She wrote that I should have told her or father (unlikely) or my brothers and sisters that I am having difficulties in my studies. She wrote that I have ostracized myself from my family, and she understood that I did this because I do not want to be any more a burden to my parents and my siblings.

This is where her anger showed. The words she used was "konon-kononya tidak mahu menyusahkan sesiapa". It hurt me then, and it still affects me today.

I hope and pray that Mother will forgive me. I was young and stupid and I was apt to blame others for my own failures. I never really knew what I wanted to do with my life. And, being a small town boy, given so much money (from my scholarship) and freedom in the big city of Kuala Lumpur, I forgot what I was there really for.

No, I did not spent my money on women and drugs, but, I converted a lot of it into tokens to play video games. It was unfortunate for me that the UTM campus at Jalan Gurney was just a bus ride away from Ampang Park, where on its roof top, was heaven to video game addict such as I. I became so good that my initials SBJ would be in the top ten of almost all the games there.

Alas, it was a lesson too late for the learning....

I don't know why Allah make me find this letter, on the first day of  this blessed month. Maybe, I have strayed from the path. Maybe I have become complacent. Or, maybe, this will be my last Ramadhan.

Alhamdulillah. I am forever grateful to You, ya Allah.... thank you for thinking of me.

I definitely, do not deserve it....

 "Ya Allah, forgive my parents, and show them love as they have shown me love while I was small.... Amin."

Comments

  1. UnknownJuly 15, 2016 at 9:24 PM

    Aamiin. Selagi Allah beri kita peluang meneruskan kehidupan, jom let's improve ourselves for betterment. Tq Allah for everything..............

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Pak Mat Beca

I started school in 1971. I went to Sekolah Ismail (Dua), as far as I am concerned the only primary school in the whole universe and every kid must go there or the government will put their parents away forever. The "Dua" or Two (2), does not mean there were two Sekolah Ismails. There was only one, except that there were two sessions, morning and afternoon. When I started in standard one, I was in the morning session. Apparently, somehow, the two Ismails alternate, and I really can't recall ever having to go to school in the afternoon. Every morning, my cousin, the late Hashimah Hashim (Allah bless her soul), and I would wait for Pak Mat to pick us up in his beca, his trishaw. And, until I changed school in 1976 (that's another story to tell), Pak Mat and his beca would take me to school every school day. I know of no other way to go to school and I did not really appreciate the distance that Pak Mat had to cycle to pick us up and send us to our respective s...
Post a Comment
Read more

For the Love of God

Someone told me a joke about a man who had just bought a car. It was his first car and, not wanting to have even a scratch on it, he took it to a hindu temple, a buddhist temple, a church and a mosque. At the hindu temple, the hindu priest chanted mantras over the car and tied a red string around the car's right wing mirror. The buddhist monk sprinkled the car with water after chanting traditional mantras and then a white string was tied to the left wing mirror. The christian priest blessed the car with holy water and gave the driver a cross to hang from the rear view mirror. At the mosque, the imam was astounded since nobody ever asked to bless a car before. So after a recitation of selected verses from the Qur'an, he took a hacksaw and promptly cut the tip off the car's exhaust pipe..... to circumcise it. When I first heard this story, I thought the new car owner was an atheist, albeit a superstitious one. This man, I had deduced, did not really believe in the existence o...
Post a Comment
Read more

Being Vulcan

Spock, son of Sarek . Born: 2230.Died: 2263 (in alternate universe) aged 162 Vulcans , I assume, would be well into rebuilding their civilisation and restoring their culture on their new planet after  Nero  destroyed their home planet in 2258. Vulcans first came to Earth in April of 2063 when they detected the first-ever warp drive test flight piloted by Dr Zefram Cochrane . Our allegiance with them has contributed to the advancement of human technologies, which, in turn, have enabled interplanetary relations and the exploration of space —the final frontier . Legend has it that Vulcans were very emotional creatures, but their religion (although they do not refer to it as one), founded upon the teachings of the great philosopher Surak , forbids them to show emotion and to embrace logic. Humans will do well to adopt the teaching of Surak. Humans may not be as emotionally volatile as prehistoric Vulcans, but we would be better off if we could better control our emot...
Post a Comment
Read more