Friday, July 6, 2012

End of...... Something...

The most grueling test I have to face during my EMBA program was the Viva. After the Q & A session, we were asked to leave the room as the examiners and our adviser elaborated on our performance a-la that cooking program "CHOPPED" (which I like very much, BTW). When our adviser, the ever cool and relaxed Prof. Dr. Ismail, appeared from the room, he shook our hands, said that our study will be extended, maybe by the Institute of Zakat Study (IKAZ) but asked why we did not put in the problem statement. I said we did, but it's my fault that I did not emphasize it in our presentation.

The Q&A itself went smoothly, as we answered all the questions, but the examiners were not satisfied with our conclusion, and asked us to revisit it. Our literature reviews needed to be "enhanced" despite our earlier statement that there isn't much earlier study directly related to our research. The petite Prof. Sa'adiah seems to understand this, but our other examiner, Dr. Rahimi insists that there are studies on Zakat Efficiency done before. So, we have to look some more.


Otherwise, both examiner congratulated us for choosing the subject matter... but I got a feeling that they were really saying, "What the hell were you guys thinking doing something nobody else has done??". The other thing they liked was our presentation slides which Prof. Sa'adiah said was very professional.


At home, as I stripped of the suit and tie (and our presentation was at 2pm....), I felt.... sad. I felt that I have failed, not in the sense that I am going to fail, but, I felt that I could and should have done better. I felt that I have let my friends (Sukman and Joe) and Prof. Ismail down. Maybe my expectations were too high...


I wrote on my whatsapp, I felt relieved but there is no sense of achievement. And wallowed in my sorrow for the rest of the day... 

**********

The next day, I went to work, and that was a good thing. I did not have time to mope around about what happened yesterday. Besides, I had to finish all the things for the day as early as possible, because I want to rush back in time for the farewell dinner.

The dinner was fun, and I liked it especially because, it wasn't all sad and melancholy. We had a great time, the lecturers who attended we very sporting, everybody had a chance to speak their hearts and mind and the food was quite good.  We ended the night signing each other's souvenir booklet and belting out songs from the karaoke machine. I will remember this for the rest of my life.

But, it really isn't over. We still have to do the amendments, and run around getting the examiner's endorsements on the "endorsement form".

It is, however, the beginning of the end.

When I graduated with a degree some 20 years ago, it was the end of my student life and the start of my working life. It was a transition into another phase. It was an evolution of some sort. From being carefree to being a person responsible for my own daily bread.

I wonder today how my life will change once I get my Masters Degree. The same time next year, will I be someone else than I am today? Somethings would have changed I supposed, but nothing compared to when I get my degree.

The best thing that came out of this EMBA programme for me, getting to know my wonderful and colorful classmates, and great lecturers.

Other than that... I guess we'll have to wait and see....




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