Skip to main content

Melancholia

There are days when you just can't get started. Today is one of them... and the older I get, these non-starting days are occurring more frequently. I know this day will be an almost zero-productivity day for me, when I woke up this morning and the first thing that crossed my mind is "I'm going to get-off early today..."

True enough, I spent today with minimal sense of achievement and instead of starting on a new project assigned to me by my boss, I wrote this blog.

I do not have anything particular to write about. The news and social media is filled with updates and comments about the assault on Tanduo. Prior to this, the political parties supporters are flinging mud at each other in the build up to the coming general elections which nobody knows when.

I hope nobody will comment to say things like, "count your blessings" or "be thankful". Please don't... today, I want to wallow in this quicksand of depression. Today, I want to whine about ever worsening morning traffic congestion, the same breakfast choices, the repetition of daily work, the slow sweep of the clock's hands, the incessant ringing of telephones.... Today, I want to immerse myself in the meaninglessness of my existence. Today I want to view life, the world and its occupants with contempt.

Today, the customers are wrong, I do not want to hear another point of view, all excuses are lame, it's my way or no way....

How I wish I can be this way everyday....





Comments

Popular posts from this blog

A letter from my mother

Today, on the first day of Ramadhan in the 52nd year of my life, while I was rummaging through some old stuff, I came across a letter written to me by my mother, folded and enveloped into a prescription drug package. My mother taught herself to write in Rumi, so some words are quite difficult to figure out. She was probably more comfortable writing in Jawi, but she knew her son is useless at reading it. The letter was not dated, but I would say it was written circa 1985, the year that I dropped out of UTM. The letter was an angry letter, as angry as my dearest mother would be. I cannot remember the occasion that warranted such letter, but I think I must have said something that hurt her. She wrote that I should have told her or father (unlikely) or my brothers and sisters that I am having difficulties in my studies. She wrote that I have ostracized myself from my family, and she understood that I did this because I do not want to be any more a burden to my parents and my sibli...

A Marriage

I’ve always shunned the company of humans Yet, there’s a basic need for procreation So I looked and believe I’ve found a woman Just perfect to bear my next generation A decade have passed and seven years From us have sprung a brood of four Many a happy times and many a tears At times I think we should’ve had more Then, there were times when my eyes wander Lusting after distractions, in one form or another To temptations of the flesh I wish to surrender To turn a deaf ear to my conscience’s whispers But, to hurt these people, I don’t fancy I can never hurt my children and wife Thus, my amoral deeds remain a fantasy Maybe I can indulge on it in my after life I love my family don’t get me wrong O, how they’ve grown, my little ones And, I pray this marriage will last my life long But, I swear I’ll not attempt marriage more than once...

An Ironic Epiphany

During a cigarette break, a colleague and I starred out at the city skyline. "What if somebody gave you five million. What would you do with it?" suddenly he asked. I looked at him but he continued to gaze at the jagged horizon. "I don't know. Maybe I'll buy some properties, rent them out....." I said. "That's it, isn't it... " he suddenly turned to me, excited. "That's what I told this stupid friend of mine, just take the money and buy real-estate and earn passive income.... What a jerk.." he trailed off. "Your friend has five million?" I asked. "No..... but, his girlfriend was willing to give it to him, and he refused..." "Why? What's wrong with the guy?" "He's married... happily married.. but this girl at his workplace, the daughter of the bloody filthy rich boss, is crazy for him. She's willing to be his 2nd wife... But, this idiot friend of mine, he refused. I...