Hoping It won't Drag(0n)...

Feng Shui wise, I am in for a turbulent year. The coming Chinese new year is the year of the Water Dragon and me being a wood dragon born in the month of the water dog on the day of the horse in the hour of the rat, will have terrible luck next year. In fact, I did a whole life cycle forecast and it seems that my luck will only change when the stars are in my favor when I am 120 years old..... I can't wait.

This is the my 4th cycle of the zodiac. For the uninitiated, the Chinese Zodiac has twelve animals in it. They are Rat, Ox, Tiger, Rabbit, Dragon, Snake, Horse, Goat, Monkey, Rooster, Dog & Pig (source: wikipedia.... where else).

Ok, enough of that. I actually have a lot of hope for this year. I need to have this year to be a good year. According to this website I was using to assess my luck (using a fake name) I have to find a good Chinese name for myself to change my luck. I was thinking Alan Tam, or Donnie Yen... Or Jackie Chan. I'll give it a good thought.

What I've decided to do this year is to finish some of the stuff I started to do, some of them 4 or 5 years ago. One of them is this novel I am writing. Actual, two novels, both are crappy.. that I'm sure. One is in Malay and one in English. I will write it in between my Applied Business Research (ABR) Paper... because, ABR is so boring, I need the distraction.

OK. That is the scariest thing I have done today... to actually declare that I will finish something I started. To set a goal... To make a (gulp) commitment.

I should do this more often.

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A letter from my mother

Today, on the first day of Ramadhan in the 52nd year of my life, while I was rummaging through some old stuff, I came across a letter written to me by my mother, folded and enveloped into a prescription drug package. My mother taught herself to write in Rumi, so some words are quite difficult to figure out. She was probably more comfortable writing in Jawi, but she knew her son is useless at reading it. The letter was not dated, but I would say it was written circa 1985, the year that I dropped out of UTM. The letter was an angry letter, as angry as my dearest mother would be. I cannot remember the occasion that warranted such letter, but I think I must have said something that hurt her. She wrote that I should have told her or father (unlikely) or my brothers and sisters that I am having difficulties in my studies. She wrote that I have ostracized myself from my family, and she understood that I did this because I do not want to be any more a burden to my parents and my sibli...

A Marriage

I’ve always shunned the company of humans Yet, there’s a basic need for procreation So I looked and believe I’ve found a woman Just perfect to bear my next generation A decade have passed and seven years From us have sprung a brood of four Many a happy times and many a tears At times I think we should’ve had more Then, there were times when my eyes wander Lusting after distractions, in one form or another To temptations of the flesh I wish to surrender To turn a deaf ear to my conscience’s whispers But, to hurt these people, I don’t fancy I can never hurt my children and wife Thus, my amoral deeds remain a fantasy Maybe I can indulge on it in my after life I love my family don’t get me wrong O, how they’ve grown, my little ones And, I pray this marriage will last my life long But, I swear I’ll not attempt marriage more than once...

Looking for Sympathy

It's one of life's ironies, I suppose. We keep declaring to people that we are not looking or sympathies. Because, we.. rather... I am a proud person and sympathies makes me look pathetic. Yet, I cannot help but feel a little frustrated when I tell my friends and family, that I am not well, and they just seem to say in their expressions, "Ok... is that all... " I, in my attempt not to worry my family, tried to keep the condition of my failing kidneys a secret. But, somehow, somebody heard that, of late, I have been visiting the Sime Darby Medical Center regularly. So, I told them about my non-functioning left kidney and impaired right kidneys. I was expecting a "ooo... kesiannya..." or something like that..but instead was informed that my elder brother's kidneys have shrunk a long time ago, that he's supposed to be on dialysis already, but he refused. Well, I am concerned of course about my condition, and it is in the back in my mind all the time tha...

Life's Remains....

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