Skip to main content

9 - 1




And life goes on....

Yesterday, Allah took my sister Kak Esah (Hjh. Aishah binti Jaafar). 

At first, I was inclined to write something about her.... then, I suddenly realized, that I am more concerned about us, who need to continue living and get use to losing the ones dearest to us.

I start to imagine how Abang Haris feels. Perhaps, partly relieved that Kak Esah's battle with cancer is finally over...and partly, anguish and hurt, when he lays down in bed to see the empty space next to him.

Kak Sarah, my eldest sister lost her husband, Abang Raya, about a decade ago, and how she copes with life after he's gone, the loneliness, the emptiness..... takes amazing inner strength and courage.

It's unfortunate, for us who are still on this earth, that we have to continue to struggle in a world of sin. A world full of temptations that comes to us in the most subtle of ways and on every side.

No... I am not suicidal. Just in a melancholy mood. Losing a loved one, knocks me on the head, and for a while I see the world clearly. The shallowness of worldly things, and the filthiness of my worldly existence. 


I love Kak Esah and Abang Raya, and I will miss them sorely, as I will my father and my mother. But, what can I say about them that we don't already know? They've made it.... They are in a better place. 

While we sat outside the room where Kak Esah was being bathed, my nephew, Ahmad Fadhil Dhafri said to me, that Tok Aki (my father) and Tok Wan (my mother) are probably waiting for her now in heaven. Yes, I believe that, too. And what a lovely moment it is, to see them together again. And, how happy would they be to be together again. And, I imagine, next to my mother and my father, Abang Raya stood welcoming Kak Esah... 
Selamat Datang... 
Ahla wa sahlan...

Makes me want to be there....

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

A letter from my mother

Today, on the first day of Ramadhan in the 52nd year of my life, while I was rummaging through some old stuff, I came across a letter written to me by my mother, folded and enveloped into a prescription drug package. My mother taught herself to write in Rumi, so some words are quite difficult to figure out. She was probably more comfortable writing in Jawi, but she knew her son is useless at reading it. The letter was not dated, but I would say it was written circa 1985, the year that I dropped out of UTM. The letter was an angry letter, as angry as my dearest mother would be. I cannot remember the occasion that warranted such letter, but I think I must have said something that hurt her. She wrote that I should have told her or father (unlikely) or my brothers and sisters that I am having difficulties in my studies. She wrote that I have ostracized myself from my family, and she understood that I did this because I do not want to be any more a burden to my parents and my sibli...
1 comment
Read more

A Marriage

I’ve always shunned the company of humans Yet, there’s a basic need for procreation So I looked and believe I’ve found a woman Just perfect to bear my next generation A decade have passed and seven years From us have sprung a brood of four Many a happy times and many a tears At times I think we should’ve had more Then, there were times when my eyes wander Lusting after distractions, in one form or another To temptations of the flesh I wish to surrender To turn a deaf ear to my conscience’s whispers But, to hurt these people, I don’t fancy I can never hurt my children and wife Thus, my amoral deeds remain a fantasy Maybe I can indulge on it in my after life I love my family don’t get me wrong O, how they’ve grown, my little ones And, I pray this marriage will last my life long But, I swear I’ll not attempt marriage more than once...
2 comments
Read more

An Ironic Epiphany

During a cigarette break, a colleague and I starred out at the city skyline. "What if somebody gave you five million. What would you do with it?" suddenly he asked. I looked at him but he continued to gaze at the jagged horizon. "I don't know. Maybe I'll buy some properties, rent them out....." I said. "That's it, isn't it... " he suddenly turned to me, excited. "That's what I told this stupid friend of mine, just take the money and buy real-estate and earn passive income.... What a jerk.." he trailed off. "Your friend has five million?" I asked. "No..... but, his girlfriend was willing to give it to him, and he refused..." "Why? What's wrong with the guy?" "He's married... happily married.. but this girl at his workplace, the daughter of the bloody filthy rich boss, is crazy for him. She's willing to be his 2nd wife... But, this idiot friend of mine, he refused. I...
1 comment
Read more