Circle of Life: Before I can do something else, I have to do the same things.

I am at that stage of my life where I wish I can just retire and yet still draw my current income (maybe a bit more).

Come to think of it, I have been in this stage for the last decade. It is disheartening that I am part of the majority in the bell curve. But, like everybody in that sector, I really have no idea of what I want to do. I am where I am because I was walking on that road of life with my eyes fixed only as far as the ground at my feet and went along with the traffic flow. My life has been a series of random decisions made, not by me, but by chance.

Not that I am complaining. I think I've had a great life. And, that made me a little bit more grateful to God. As a human being, there are times when I think that I could/would/should have done better for myself. Yet, at the same time I acknowledge that there are so many thinks that could have gone wrong.

I guess that's why I like the poem by Robert Frost "The Road not Taken". Frost wished he could take both the roads that lay before him as he stood at the fork, but felt sad that he could take only one, and therefore, will never know where the one he did not take would have led him.

Now, as age began to take affect on me, I think I'll prepare a bucket list. In fact, I think I'll lay it out in my next blog.... Things to do before I die....

In the mean time, I think I look for another job, with a higher pay.....

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A letter from my mother

Today, on the first day of Ramadhan in the 52nd year of my life, while I was rummaging through some old stuff, I came across a letter written to me by my mother, folded and enveloped into a prescription drug package. My mother taught herself to write in Rumi, so some words are quite difficult to figure out. She was probably more comfortable writing in Jawi, but she knew her son is useless at reading it. The letter was not dated, but I would say it was written circa 1985, the year that I dropped out of UTM. The letter was an angry letter, as angry as my dearest mother would be. I cannot remember the occasion that warranted such letter, but I think I must have said something that hurt her. She wrote that I should have told her or father (unlikely) or my brothers and sisters that I am having difficulties in my studies. She wrote that I have ostracized myself from my family, and she understood that I did this because I do not want to be any more a burden to my parents and my sibli...

A Marriage

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Looking for Sympathy

It's one of life's ironies, I suppose. We keep declaring to people that we are not looking or sympathies. Because, we.. rather... I am a proud person and sympathies makes me look pathetic. Yet, I cannot help but feel a little frustrated when I tell my friends and family, that I am not well, and they just seem to say in their expressions, "Ok... is that all... " I, in my attempt not to worry my family, tried to keep the condition of my failing kidneys a secret. But, somehow, somebody heard that, of late, I have been visiting the Sime Darby Medical Center regularly. So, I told them about my non-functioning left kidney and impaired right kidneys. I was expecting a "ooo... kesiannya..." or something like that..but instead was informed that my elder brother's kidneys have shrunk a long time ago, that he's supposed to be on dialysis already, but he refused. Well, I am concerned of course about my condition, and it is in the back in my mind all the time tha...

Life's Remains....

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