Life's Remains....

 Hello... It's me, again. I don't know how anybody is going to read this, because I have deactivated my Facebook account... my Instagram too. It's interesting to see people's reactions when I told them this. Mostly, it's a sharp intake of breath and a sympathetic "why".  I guess they assumed I was cyberbullied into deactivation. No... It was a mistake. I should never have even registered for any socmed (social media for those uninitiated). I hate it, people sharing their lives, what they eat and drink and where they were eating and drinking, how far they have walked or run or cycled, with whom they are doing things, who they met today or yesterday, where they are now in the world, what their cute babies or cats are doing, what plants they are planting, what fruits they have harvested... I don't really want to know about what you guys are doing with your lives unless I am responsible (partly) for bringing you into this horrible place. For that, my child...

The vaccines are here... spelling the beginning of the end of Covid19... or at least we hope so. But, it is really just hope upon hope. Because, as vaccines are being spread (by health workers) in most parts of the world, we still hear of lockdowns happening here and there. And the virus is mutating. New strains are being discovered, having higher infectivity. I guess Covid wants to live just like any other living creature. My employer has announced that beginning this month (April 2021) everybody must come to work in the office. No more working from home. Which is OK. I mean (in case my boss reads this blog) I love my job but dread going through the traffic jams in the morning and then again in the evening. I miss the easy smooth drive to and from work during the MCO when I had to come to the office to sign some physical documents, but even during the CMCO and RMCO, when we are allowed to move around a bit more, the traffic build-up at roadblocks gave me a glimpse of things to come wh...

Change is the only constant in life.  This time last year I was just a father, and now I am also a father-in-law. And, God willing, by the beginning of next year I will be a grandfather. Things have been changing so fast for me that, sometimes, I feel there things in my life I forgot to attend to. And, sometimes I am frustrated that I am helpless to do anything to make things go the way I want it to be. It frustrates me to feel like a victim. I am not a victim. When my firstborn told me that she will be posted to Sabah, my heart sank. The furthest she had been away from me was when she decided that she wanted to rent an apartment in Kajang to be near her workplace, the Kajang Hospital. In my head, then, I tried to find a solution so she can stay at home and commute to work, but the work schedule as a houseman, her odd working hours (I never really got a grasp on it, "on-call" and "post-call" and tagging and clerking... ), we agreed that it is better and safer for he...

Today, my son got married. As relatives and friends congratulated me for gaining a daughter-in-law, my feelings are mixed. But, looking at him sitting on the dais with his new wife, I can't help but felt a loss. Or, more precisely, a feeling of losing him too soon. Suddenly, I felt that I haven't given him all he deserves from a father. I just felt I should have given him more... More love, more advice, more annoying anecdotes about life, more dad jokes. In spite of the brave front that I was showing... I am not sure I was ready to let him go. Not that he's going anywhere... but, I am no longer his sole source of fatherly love, fatherly advice, and fatherly embarrassments. Suddenly, I remember how he liked to push a plastic chair on the front porch when he was a toddler and his laughter at the sound it made. I remember him singing you are my sunshine while pooping when he comes home from kindergarten. I remember him begging us to take him to the beach in Langkawi becaus...

Just checked my EPF account, and I saw that they have created an "Akaun Warga Emas" for me. This account, apparently, is where my salary deductions will be placed from now on. I am grateful to Allah for the rezeki, but I now have one major concern. I am healthy, but not wealthy. Health is wealth, they say, but you will need to be wealthy to be healthy. Healthcare ain't cheap. Now, as I am still gainfully employed, my employer is forking out the expenses for my health care.  I still have five years to go, but, I have a kidney condition that requires me to take medications. If I do not have to see the doctor (which I have reduced the frequency from quarterly to half-yearly) the cost of the meds alone is about RM120 a month. That is if my kidney (I have only one functioning) does not deteriorate further. From, my calculation, I will have exhausted my EPF in 3 to 4 years, after I pay off all my liabilities to the bank. So, I now must find another source of income. P...

Spock, son of Sarek . Born: 2230.Died: 2263 (in alternate universe) aged 162 Vulcans , I assume, would be well into rebuilding their civilisation and restoring their culture on their new planet after  Nero  destroyed their home planet in 2258. Vulcans first came to Earth in April of 2063 when they detected the first-ever warp drive test flight piloted by Dr Zefram Cochrane . Our allegiance with them has contributed to the advancement of human technologies, which, in turn, have enabled interplanetary relations and the exploration of space —the final frontier . Legend has it that Vulcans were very emotional creatures, but their religion (although they do not refer to it as one), founded upon the teachings of the great philosopher Surak , forbids them to show emotion and to embrace logic. Humans will do well to adopt the teaching of Surak. Humans may not be as emotionally volatile as prehistoric Vulcans, but we would be better off if we could better control our emot...

Love and marriage, as the song goes, go together like horse and carriage. We all know that's not true. A horse, I would imagine, would prefer not being attached to anything. For the Malay woman, however, she is expected to find a husband before she reaches the age of 30. Much less in the olden days, when she would have been labelled a spinster if she were still unmarried by the time she reached 21. Things have changed; more women are income earners, and some do it better than men. However, the old aunts and uncles, as well as grand aunts and grand uncles, who spent most of their lives in the previous century, still ask the dreaded question, "When are you getting married?" Why do we get married? - It's sunnah, yes, but can a person not go to heaven if she or he does not ever get married? - To have babies? Bundles of joy? All they do is cry and poop. You have to feed them, take them to the baby doctor once in a while (which is getting more and more expensive...

1) Don't get into debt for things you can live without - Every time you want to spend money on a thing you cannot pay cash for, ask yourself this important question: Can I still breathe, eat, drink and have sex if I don't buy this thing? If the answer is YES, then don't take a loan to have it. Remember this: CREDIT CARDS are EVIL - they lull you in thinking you can afford something you don't need. 2) Don't get a job - getting a job means you put yourself in a false sense of security. You think all you have to do in life is breathe, eat, drink and have sex, then you poke your ATM card in the ATM machine and voila!! You have money to continue to breathe, eat, drink and have sex for another month. Create jobs and encourage your staff to be entrepreneurs. Don't just be a consumer. Be the supplier. 3) Don't worry about the future - you can't do anything about the future. In this age of the internet, things change faster than they did 20 years...

I am trying to live up to the old adage of being "older but wiser". I observe the annoying behaviors of our forefathers and make a mental list of things I shouldn't do when I grow up. But, of late, I found myself doing one of those things on the list.... and was embarrassed by it. I have become presumptuous. It is a natural thing, I suppose; having lived for half a century on this earth that I tend to not look beyond the first familiar signs, and assumed that the sequence of events that follow will be as I have observed happened innumerous times throughout my life. Maybe, it's just laziness that comes with the dwindling vigor in my advanced age. I read a sentence in an email, or rather I looked at it, and immediately took action, or asked a question only to be told that, the proper action to be taken or the answer to my question is there, if only I had bothered to read thoroughly. On Monday, I received a proposal from our legal department on a new addition to our ...

I was once labelled a hypocrite by my neighbor... but he said it in Malay/Arabic, making it sound really bad... He called me a Munafiq. I was angered of course, at first, but then, upon reflection, he may have a case. It all started a few thousand years ago when God created man, and gave him this instinct to become communal. And, being human, even in the smallest of societies, there would be differences in opinion, creating a divide between those who would become loyal followers to one side or another. Although, God has made the universe colorful, our minds (or, perhaps, more appropriately, our hearts) want to see only black or white, good or bad, innocent or guilty.... man or woman (that topic will be for another day). There are less than 200 houses in my neighborhood. And, I for one, feel that we do not belong here. But, here we are, and as much as I like to not be partisan to one side or another, I cannot help but feel aggrieved by those who are reluctant to contribute their t...

I hate Performance Appraisals and Bonus Payment season. Because I hate dealing with humans. Humans have a tendency to think that they are better than others, even when others perceive them as useless. Every year, during this time, someone will come to see me and ask why his/her rating is low when they "have done their work". I will then have to tell them, "We need more from you." They will say, "Then tell me what to do!" Sigh.... I have been reading this book by a gay Israeli atheist professor who theorises that there will not be the end of the world, but humans will be extinct (just like the Neanderthals and Homo Erectus) and replaced by another species he calls Home Deus. Sounds like stuff of science fiction, but his arguments are quite compelling. Anyway, right now, I wish he were right. I wish that humans would reflect on themselves first and ask the question, "Why am I the only one complaining?", before charging into my room and ac...

Sometimes you want to say something to someone, but you stop yourself, because you don't want to hurt that person's feeling. But, most of the time when this happens, everyone will agree, that the person that hurt the most is you. It's not easy to draw the line, to make a check list of whether you should just tell that person off, or you just keep things to yourself. Although, from my own experience those who speak their minds, usually are the less stressful people. I was not brought up to be confrontational, thus, all my life, I let the more outspoken people have their way. I have successfully convinced and trained myself to accept things as they are, and told myself time and again, that it doesn't matter if that person got their way, I will just get on with mine. But it really doesn't work that way. Everything that happened or you let happen will one day come back and bite you. So you can't be lazy. If you are lazy today, you will probably end up having...

I have decided a long time ago that I will live a stress free life. After almost two decades in the construction business, my current job which I held since 2006, has been a dream. Although, just the bean counter, as one Australian Engineer called me, my stint in the construction industry had me stretched both ways, by the demands of payments by the subcontractors and suppliers, and begging for payments from clients and employers. Since 2006, I have further evolved to become even more stress intolerant. So much so, that when my current employer is now asking for attendance for our annual dinner, I had the inclination to tick the "not attending" box. My excuse, it will be on a Saturday night, and I am to dress up in the prevailing theme and I will have leave the comfort of my home in Shah Alam and drive all the way into the very heart of Kuala Lumpur... Like I have been doing, almost daily, for the last decade. My perfect weekend will be waking up for the dawn prayer, ...

Here we are at the end of another year. I have lived long enough to no longer expect the so-called new year brings new hope. New year's day is a holiday celebrated by everyone on earth no matter what race or religion they are. Perhaps, for that few minutes or seconds before and after 12 midnight, we, or at least the majority of the citizens of earth, are one. Then, at 8 am on 2 January, we get down to doing the same thing we did before we go on our year end holidays. For a fleeting moment we live in a fantasy, living the life we dream of and still earn a decent salary, before, the work week start again, schools are opened, and we are at the top of the ride again, spiraling down into the abyss we call life. That is, until we retire. For some, retirement seems like paradise. After the long hard life that, the promise of days of doing things because you want to, not because you have to, is the highest level of living on this earth to be achieved. Then, after a while we find out, t...

Today, my son, Aiman, accidentally stepped on our pet hamster, Bucky. The late Bucky was brought home by my elder son, Afiq, not more than a year ago. Bucky was a winter hamster. That's why Afiq named her Bucky (before confirming Bucky is a she) after Captain America's nemesis and best friend, James Buchanan (Bucky) Barnes a.k.a, the Winter Soldier. This is the fourth pet we had to bury, (if you count the five or six Koi Fish as one since they all died together when the aeration pump stopped overnight). I felt sad every time we lose a pet.  That's why I hate them. I get attached to things (dead or alive) easily. I guess I am insecure that way. When I was young, some one gave me a balloon, the first one with helium in it... just like the ones on TV. I loved it so much... I had it tied to my wrist for the whole day. Then, while sitting on the sofa watching TV, the string must have come loose, and the balloon floated up.... toward the spinning ceiling fan. By some mir...

What is your perfect day? Asked the motivator I look at him and smile A perfect day is when I created something A drawing of anything A pattern on a piece of white paper A paragraph of my thoughts Add another chapter in my unfinished novel Typing in my blog about random things in my head Lazing around doing nothing But, to the motivator I actually said Achieving what I was set out to achieve... Corporate objectives and KPIs, Meet my deadlines, and perform the best for my masters. That is really my normal day...

I am a daydreamer. Being the last one in a family of eight older siblings, I was born at the stage where my parents were already fatigued by child raising. Not that they did not care, just that... they are not overly concerned. There are pros and cons, I was only caned once by my father when I refused to wake up to go to school. I never wanted to go to school, but that day, for reasons I cannot recall, I pretended to sleep so deeply that even after my father carried me in to the bathroom, I actually laid myself down on the cold and wet bathroom floor. This is nothing compared to the punishments that younger (and angrier) father laid on my elder brothers (at least according to my mother). I read somewhere, someone said that the two things that influence your future most are the people you hang out with and the book you read (Now, I believe we must add to the list; the movies you watch, the social media group you are in and the Youtube video you watch). Analyzing the people...

When I die, bury me at sea So there will not be an obligation To water my grave, and sprinkle petals on it Or, the need to worry what people will think of how my grave was hardly visited... Life goes on for the living Time has stopped for the dead... When I die, I only hope to live in memories of those who want to remember me. Say a prayer for me whenever they pray Not only, on the eve of Eidul Fitri,  throng the cemeteries out of guilt That the dead was abandoned for 364 of the 365 days in their year... No forced tears to be shed No need for silent contemplation as they sat about the stones that marked the place of my decayed remains When I have become one with the earth from whence I came...

Stephen Covey wrote in his book Seven Habits, that as humans we are not supposed to be reactive. We are not animals that make decisions on the instinct of life preservation and the survival of the species. That was one of the biggest "AHA!!" for me in that book... although, in truth, there were many, at least one on every page. Alas, we are but creatures of emotion. If indeed we evolved from apes, the survival instincts has perhaps evolved into ego and, for some of us, it is bigger than the real feeling we feel for someone. More often than not, we react to what we perceive to be hatred, or anger, or disgust. This perception is so often wrong, yet our ego concludes that, that someone who treats us differently today, must be angry at us, because we just did not have the humility to ask... are you angry with me? or, did I do something wrong? Humility is the key and communication is the window. If you do not have the key then the window will remain shut, and the person yo...

If there be another time When things are different And love was uttered With the passion Of a lover Then life would be different And love is less painful Hope will not be abandoned Dreams may just come true